“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.”― Thomas Stephen Szasz
Forgiveness: The intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.
Many times we hear the phrase "forgive and forget." However is it truly easy and possible to not only forgive, but also forget? Depending upon the individual's situation, of who the offense was by and how serious it was, forgiveness may or may not be an option. When a person truly offends and hurts you do you actually want to forgive that person? Once you forgave them, do you believe that you can honestly forget the offense?
To forgive and forget would mean to remove the offensive action from our mind, and to believe and act as though it didn't happen. Some people support this concept through believing that we should follow God's example of forgiving us and do the same for others. We shouldn't hold grudges because God doesn't hold grudges against us, but rather gives us a "clean slate." But, there are others that think forgiving people perceives them to be "weak." Then there are others who believe that to forgive and forget is just an act of pretending and covering up the obvious offense as though nothing has happened.
Forgiveness is possible through acknowledging the wrong done to you and considering how to handle it. Once a person has forgave they give themselves permission to remember and think about the offense without feelings of irritation, resentment, or bitterness. It is possible to remember the issue, but to remember it without it being a burden to oneself. However to forget is nor healthy or helpful. A person should remember the offense for their own security and wisdom in case it may happen again in the future, but not to hold it against the person who has committed the wrongdoing. Although people may try to make an effort to forget the violation against them, they can never truly put it out of their mind or overlook that trust or reliability in someone that was once taken advantage of. For one to forgive, they do not have to forget. “Forgiveness is a conscious decision of the mind and heart to freely remit the offense of another, regardless of the cost. Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgetting is to lose the remembrance or recollection of something. It is a passive process in which the passing of time causes a thing to fade from memory. Forgiving, however, is not the result of amnesia. Instead, it is an active process in which a person makes a conscious choice not to mention, recount, or think about the injury one has suffered from another."
Though people can forgive but not forget is there a time in which a person has been truly hurt by someone, or hurt various times, to the point of forgiveness being a forgotten notion?
Though people can forgive but not forget is there a time in which a person has been truly hurt by someone, or hurt various times, to the point of forgiveness being a forgotten notion?
I really like how you put that question at the end. It draws everything together to make you think about it harder. I personally think that you can forgive but it's hard to forget if that person keeps on doing it over and over again.
ReplyDeleteI think your statement is true. To some extent, (personally) it is up to the individual to forget once forgiven. It may not be easy depending on the situation, but it can affect one in many ways. In most cases, not many people can forget certain situations that have already affected them both physically or emotionally.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the view that to forgive doesn't have to mean to forget. But it doesn't mean that we should hold grudges either.
ReplyDeleteI thought you really demonstrated nuanced thinking in this sentence: "Forgiveness is possible through acknowledging the wrong done to you and considering how to handle it. Once a person has forgave they give themselves permission to remember and think about the offense without feelings of irritation, resentment, or bitterness. It is possible to remember the issue, but to remember it without it being a burden to oneself." Additionally, you bring up good questions about a topic that I'm sure we are all familiar with.
ReplyDeleteI defiantly agree that forgiveness doesnt mean forgetting, some things are just hard to simply let go of but time has a way of healing, even if one can't completely forget I feel it could be very hard to do especially if it was something that really affected ones life. But like Lucia said, we shouldn't hold grudges against people forever. I really enjoy what you wrote here.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with everything you said in that last paragraph. People should forgive but never forget the action so that it doesn't happen again or if it does happen they know how to approach it now.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your statements. I think it is interesting how so many people don't practice forgiveness. Maybe if more people read this they would get some insight.
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