From “We” to “I”

   I’ve always wanted to be an authentic person, although I tried my best, the truth is I realized that it was impossible for me to be truly authentic. 

   To be honest, like everyone else, I love myself. This narcissism has always been hidden by me, because modesty is a trait that people honor. However, those who are authentic do not care about what others think. They expose their love and desires; They admire their reflections; They keep their peacefulness while the world is burning down by rumors.

   According to Rousseau, inauthenticity is a result of external influences. When living in society, people more or less pretend to be what they are not. They hide their true feelings in their heart, so they wouldn’t get hurt or judged by others. But does being authentic means being away from  society? 

   I think many of us would wonder, what life would be like if we spend sometime alone in nature, stop paying attention to things that are not related to us. Seriously, do we actually live for ourselves? Or do we live for parents, school, job, responsibilities, friends, and strangers on the internet? It seems to me at least living in nature can spare us sometime to do what we like, and to see who we really are. 

   However, to isolate ourselves from society means to run away from the truth that we cannot bear the pain to live in a world where we think we are so different from while lack the power to express.   We choose the easiest way to live authentically.

   Ralph Waldo Emerson said that “Traveling is a fool's paradise”. What makes us feel troubled stays with us no matter where we go. 

“Our first journeys discover to us the indifference of places. At home I dream that at Naples, at Rome, I can be intoxicated with beauty, and lose my sadness. I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the stern fact, the sad self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from. I seek the Vatican, and the palaces. I affect to be intoxicated with sights and suggestions, but I am not intoxicated. My giant goes with me wherever I go.”

   Then what should we do to seek our true self? I believe it is to “go up against the stream”. To become a “leader” instead of a “follower”; to achieve great accomplishments so that people listen to what I think and do as I say. Then it is not what “they” decide what I should be like. I can be myself, and they can follow me. 

Kierkegaard on Religion

For Kierkegaard, the faith that people obtain through religion is a crucial element for becoming one's true self, the ultimate emphasis of his existentialism. He defines faith as an individual's firm belief in the existence of God, whether it can be proven by reason or not. Kierkegaard believes that everyone's relationship with God is a solitary, lonely one, that one must face God alone. Affirming and renewing one's faith in God is a repetitive process, through which one continues to explore and examine the self. "Christianity is the single individual, here, the single individual."

As Kierkegaard believes that religion is a personal relationship between an individual and God, and thus extensively criticizes the Christendom (Christianity as a political entity). He views the connection of the Church and the state as harmful as it corrupts the religion itself and forces people to take on the "Christian" entity without knowing what it is to be Christian, with no faith in God. Their relationship with God is passively guided by the clergymen, who gain power as the number of Christians grows; and the "believers" themselves never question why they believe in God in this way and just blindly follow - a "herd mentality". According to Kierkegaard, the Church's doctrine makes people lazy and not motivated to reconsider their relationship with God. They would therefore never reach their true self, and become instead the "mass man".  

I find Kierkegaard's philosophy a powerful perspective to observe religion. Though I am not religious, I believe in the existence of a higher being above that of human, without an exact concept of what it is or what it can do for me. I identify with Kierkegaard's idea that one shall follow a religion by one's own will, realization and faith.

Being-in-itself and Being-for-itself

Jean-Paul Sartre, the french philosopher, had two different mode of being, being-in-itself and being-for-itself. Being in itself is being of things or objects for consciousness, and being for itself is basically the mode of being conscious in effect human being; it is aware of itself, thinks about itself and ultimately has a relation with itself. However, the main difference of these two modes is that the conscious.

Being in itself is that certain concept limits people’s imagination, and people start to follow the majority and social rules, and live in “others’ live” because people think in others way, talk in others’ words, and follow others’ rules. They put themselves in others position. They will not be themselves. On another hand, the others prevents people to live in their own life. They give themselves certain role in society and not to think any more. However, Sartre wants people to think, to be themselves.

Being for itself is an ideal mode of Sartre’s believe. Being for itself is to be oneself. One has their own opinion. People could their own opinion on everything. Sartre wants people to speak out their opinion, but not always follow the rules and majority. Oneself should be the prior of a person. People in a community will always be confirmed be the majority and impresses their own think. However, Sartre wants people to think by their own instead of being mindless working machine. People should not be limited by the society and willingness of the majority. They should not live as certain role in society but as an individual in this world.

However, when an infant first to this world, he or she is being in itself at first because they are learning about this world by looking and initiating imitating others. After gained enough knowledge, they will be form their own thinking about themselves and this world. Then, they will find their goal and take their own responsibility for what they had done. 

"Dasein"

     Martin Heidegger’s main interest was to raise the issue of “being”, that is, “Dasein” mentioned in “Being and Time”. Heidegger was concerned that philosophy should e capable of telling us the meaning of Being, of what “Dasein”  is, and for him, “Dasein” exists in only two modes: authenticity and inauthenticity. 

     Heidegger believes that Authentic existence can only come into being when individuals arrive at the realization of who they are and know the fact that each human being is a distinctive entity and charactered by uniqueness. Once human beings realize that they have their own goals to fulfill, then their concern with the world will no longer be the concerns of the majority, but instead, an “authentic’ concern to fulfill their individual pursuits. 

     However, Heidegger, on the other hand, points out such state of “authenticity’ is barely understood by the society. Therefore, he criticizes that “We were born into a world of quiet conformity. Initially everything we do and say and think and believe have been done and said and thought and believed before. The activities we regard as worthy of our time and effort (learning, work, play), the ultimate values and meanings we pursue (achievement, love, children), and the particular styles and forms thru which we pursue these goals have all been provided by our various human cultures.” Here, Heidegger was aware that people always ignore, or adjust, the personal pursuits to meet the standard of the mainstream society. As a result, we may come to exist not on our own terms, but only in reference to others. By doing so, we will ultimately live our lives with the wills of others, and transformed our unique existence to a common “They-self”. For Heidegger, such way of living represents an “inauthentic” way of existence since we lead lives for “they-selves”  rather than “our-selves”. 

     In the last part of the quote, Heidegger further questions that “How different our lives are from the lives of ancient ‘cavemen”. For me, it is true that we are born into a world of conformity for that we value the community and unit, and most of our ideas and actions are based on what have been said and taught. However, I don’t quite believe that people today think and act exactly the same way as our ancestors did, because we are making progress by never ceasing to reform the society. The difference between our ancestors and ourselves is that ancestors establish a primitive society and taught us the very basic living skills, but people today are able to add fresh elements to our society and make it more advanced, acceptable and comprehensive. 

We can sink but the climb is much better

Sartre’s quote of “We Are Our Choices” had me reflecting on the possibilities that it could mean. It could be blunt and interpreted as we are defined by the choices we choose. But what caught my attention was the underlying message of freedom. The notion that nothing has any preordained order and that we are all blank canvases. As overused as that phrase can be, I love the idea that we come into this world without any prior knowledge as to what path or destination we must take. The metaphor that we are an original project that expands throughout time, is liberating to me. I personally am not a believer in the quote, “everything happens for a reason” for it makes me feel as if we are forced to follow a set order. I don’t have a concrete destination meant for me, but rather I have a goal I’m attaining to achieve. As simply as I can state it: I’m living out my journey that will eventually lead me to live out a content life. I’m secure in knowing that whatever may continue to come my way, whether it be more pain and suffering, by the end of it I’ll have what I want. I agree with Sartre that it can be inevitable to have to make choices in life. But the choices themselves don’t define the person we are but the outcome can. It can turn us into a better person than who we were prior or it can fill us with a new inner darkness. We’ll have consequences and there will be results we may fear to confront. But that was your freewill that had you end up where you are. No one and nothing is making the decisions for you. You’re meant to stumble, fall, drown for a while even, but the feeling of getting up and conquering it is worth it. I want to be able to laugh and reminisce about the past bumps of my journey with enough acknowledgment that I’m not shouldering it off. I don’t want to hold up to anyone’s expectations in the future because the biggest disappointment we can feel, is in ourselves. That is why “we are our choices” is quite open to interpretation because you have out of life what you make of it. And you could’ve strayed off and lost your direction, but who other than you needs to keep track? That’s the beauty of it.

On Sartre and His Bad Faith

The 20th century French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre called it mauvaise foi ('bad faith'), the habit that people have of deceiving themselves into thinking that they do not have the freedom to make choices for fear of the potential consequences of making a choice.

For Sartre bad faith is not a case of a person being mistaken, rather it is more to do with falsehood. Sartre believes that an individual who is in bad faith is being false to themselves and that some level they realize this.

People may pretend to themselves that they do not have the freedom to make choices by pursuing pragmatic concerns and adopting social roles and value systems that are alien to their nature as conscious human beings. However, to do so is in itself to make a choice, and thereby to acknowledge their freedom as conscious human beings.

One example of bad faith that Sartre gives is that of a waiter who does his best to conform to everything that a waiter should be. For Sartre, the waiter's exaggerated behavior is evidence that he is play-acting at being a waiter, an automaton whose essence is to be a waiter. However, in order to play-act at being a waiter, the waiter must at some level be aware that he is not in fact a waiter, but a conscious human being who is deceiving himself that he is a waiter.

I agree in some extent with Sartre. I do believe that sometimes people use faith as an excuse to escape from the reality and stop moving forward. And just as Sartre says, these people realize their excuse but refuse to admit it. I do not believe in faith, or in that faith can manipulate our life. I think we human beings still own the initiative of our life. No one should blame such a nonexistent object like bad faith for their own life. Although life is unpredictable and mysterious, we are in charge of our life, not faith.

Live in the Moment

Nowadays, everyone lives under the pressure from the society, from the people around us, and even from ourselves. We want to be standing-out from our peers; we want a better self in order to “not be regret when we are old”; we want to let our parents have a better life so that they can enjoy the rest of their lives. Our life is following the way that our society, our parents, or the pressures design for us. We cannot stop it and are afraid to stop it. To keep working is the only way to keep things that you like with you. However, if I know I only have six months to live, I will live for myself, not for others, but myself.
The first thing that I would do is to finish my dream. I want to become a trainee in an entertainment company and get trained with other people who has the same passion as me. I want to spend five months with them, the whole five months. We can practice for days and days, and have fun for nights and nights. Although we might have arguments sometimes, each one of us is fighting for the same goal with our best effort. I will try to learn as much as possible so that I can write as many songs as I want, do as much choreography as I want. After the five-month training, I will spend the last month with my family whether I could debut or not. If I could debut with my group, I will take my family with me so that I could show my work to them on the stage. I will mention them in every interview that I have, and tell them how much I appreciate for their support and how much I love them. If I didn't make it, I will go back to my sweet home and share my works with them on iPad, and tell them how smart they are that found out I could never become a singer. I will tell them how I appreciate for their support when they know I could never make it. I will sing the song that I write for my mom as I promised, and tell her that I’m sorry but I really try my best. Finally, I will have a private conversation with my brother, to tell him that how I appreciate him and I am sorry that I am not a good sister as he expects. He has a long way to go in the future, and I will always wish him the best, and hope he can take place of me to take care of our family. I will tell everyone who I love about how much I love them, and I hope my works can stay in some people’s song or video lists so that they will remember me when they are listening or watching them.

Six Months

      If I only got six months to live and no medication could save me from death, I would change my life style and start a brand new way to live.

     According to Heidegger’s philosophy, human beings are “thrown into the world” at the start of our lives, meaning that we are surrounded by rigid attitudes on the first day since our birth. People sometimes forget to live freely and end up living for others. In order to overcome this kind of unavoidable thrownness that happens in society all the time. I would choose to move to countryside and try to transform from inauthenticity to authenticity, or start to live for myself. Therefore, I would start meditating for the major daytime. Because meditation is a good way to relax, hopefully it could sweep away the fear of death, helping me experience the calmness that is hard to seek in the city. Besides meditation, I would do some hiking if possible. Living in city, nature is hidden by the high buildings and air pollution, but in the countryside, where the beauty of nature can be found, life is more about experience rather than result. I might see a rock with a wired shape, or a flower with beautiful, unexplainable color, and one day, those beautiful things will all gone, just like my life.

    In the six months, I wouldn't read newspapers or watch TV, because all I want before my death is to cast aside the chains of society and focus on actually living my life.

Live in the Present Moment

If I only have six months, I first want to climb at least ten famous mountains in the world with my family and anyone I care most. Mountain is always a special existence in my life; it strengthens my inner spirit and provides value to my life. I wish to climb from Aoraki Mount Cook in New Zealand to Mountains of Banff in Canada, from K2 on the border between China and Pakistan to Matterhorn in Switzerland, and from Mount Everest on the border between Nepal and Tibet to Table Mountain in South Africa. Besides climbing mountains, I just want to simply live my normal life as usual. I do not really want to change anything even if I only have six months because the happiest life in my mind is my current life. Every day, I can learn something new, converse with my teachers and friends, eat three meals, and smile to my family. Sometimes I will go shopping or travel to somewhere else with my friends if we have time. Buddha says, “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” Everybody knows that we should experience our current lives, but how many people truly do that? Once we know we only have a limit of time to live in the world, then the time will go much faster than we think.

A Perfect Six Months

Having only six months to live would put so many things in perspective to me. First and foremost, it would take skilled time management to complete everything that i want to do in my life in only six months. Secondly, I would need funds, however with only six months to live I believe that i could let my morals slip a little bit and steal a few necessities, after all if i did get caught i wouldn't have to serve out a full sentence in jail because I would be dead. After funds were covered and I had a detailed list of things I wanted to do, I would begin to execute them, one by one. Essentially, my final six months on earth would be one giant trip around the world, stopping at every place I've ever even thought about wanting to go. I would start big, and head to Argentina, where I would learn to tango and bask in the glory of the Patagonian mountain range. Next, I would head to brazil and enjoy the street food and the culture. After that, I would head to paris, where I would drink coffee and smoke cigarettes in the city of love. In fact, throughout the journey I would smoke cigarettes and do a lot of other unhealthy things, simply because I wouldn't have to worry about the long lasting health effects they have, because in 6 months I would be dead. After that I would go to Grease and swim in the electric blue water. I can not sufficiently say all things I would do in my six months in just 250 short words, however on the last day, I would end up back in Inverness with my close friends and family, and we would all sit down for dinner at my house, a meal consisting only of milkshakes, mac and cheese, pizza, and guava juice. We would then jump in the space ship that I stole from nasa with my lack of morals and fly into space until the thing that should have killed us passes and finally return to our daily lives and have our six months of perfection be a guide for how to live the rest of our lives. 

Live

At the last six months of my life, I will first get a cat for accompany in case late at night I suddenly feel too scarred and lonely about facing death.  During these six months, I will try to be as authentic as possible to everyone I meet, not worrying if what I say is appropriate at the occasion. I will work myself into the habit of reading everyday instead of wasting my time on technologies. I will tell my family and friends how grateful I am for every moment that they have spent with me and how much I love them. And I will give my closest ones a wish that I am able to fulfill in these last months. For the first two months, I will travel to every place that I wish to be in person. I will go gliding in Swiss because I have always wanted to feel how it is like to fly in the sky. I also want to try sky diving above ocean, to feel the weightlessness and freedom embraced by blue above and below. Then I will go to Greenland, living in a world of snow which there never is any in where I have settled. In Greenland, I will also be able to enjoy a vast sky full of bright stars and aurora. During my journey, I will meet a lot of new friends and send postcards to my old friends. For the next two months, I will stay in my hometown, Guangzhou, try various jobs and spend days like a normal grown up. I will learn to cook a lot of dishes from my mother and grandmother and treat my family. I will explore every corner of Guangzhou, which is too close and too familiar for me to explore into deeply. For the last two months, I want to spend it in Japan with my family, with no specific plan everyday and just wander around as I wish. It is too hard to say goodbye to this world.

Start now, not later

If I had six months to live I would pursue my dreams without hesitation. I would not be able to do anything that requires a college degree however the things I want to do that do not require one I would start doing as soon as I could. I would work with rescue horses and lesson horses teaching kids to ride. I would use natural horsemanship to train the horses and I would use some of the horses to do equine therapy with teens. I think the most important thing I thought about when given the question what would I do with six months left to live is, first off what would I do because whatever that is it is one of the things I want most, and second, what I've thought most about, is why am I not pursuing it now? Why is it that we wait and wait to follow our dreams when we could be doing it now? Yes, some of the things I want to do, like being a therapist, requires more education before I can actually practice, but why do we wait to begin following our dreams until we are considered 'old enough' or 'educated enough'? If I had six months to live I would not throw my life away but instead I would actually begin living my life. This is why I now ask myself, why am I not living my life now? It shouldn't take knowing death is near for us to do the things we most want to. We should be doing them now.

Coming to An End

         If I only had six months to live, I would first make a plan for these months. I would meet with all my friends and acquaintance and tell them my situation. Although I do not want them to worry about me, I think I have the obligation to tell them the truth. Otherwise it will be unfair for them. Next, I would spend probably a month traveling around the world on my own. I want to cherish the last moments that I could have with myself. I would love to visit places I have never been to, such as Greece, Fiji, and the South Pole. I want to know more about different countries and cultures before I die. I would try out new things that I have not done before, like sky diving. I hope to enrich my life experiences as much as possible. After the journey, I would donate half of my possessions to UNICEF and leave the other half to my family. I want to make an effort for children who are in need around the world. Yet I think I owe too much to my family. My family have offered me so much in my life that I might never be able to give back to them. I hope I could alleviate their sorrow before I die. So I would spend the last two months with my family. We would not do anything special, but just enjoy the everyday life as a family. We would watch TV, cook dinner, go to the park, and etc. So I wish the time before I die would be joyful and meaningful.

6 months from now

If my life had only six months left, I would spend the first month lying on my bed desperately, trying to convince myself to accept the truth. And then I would get up and make a full plan. During the second month, I would travel around with my parents to visit all my friends from elementary to high schools, and my family's friends and relatives all over the world. We would have dinner together, exchange gifts and say our final goodbyes to each other. There will be lots of laughs, tears and hugs, and we may sit around the fire and flashback to the past time. After visiting all of people and delivering our best regards, my family and I will finish all of our work, and started a trip around the world. We first set out steps in Australia. We would enjoy the sunlight along the beach and snorkeling in Gold Coast. We spend the days with kangaroos and greeting them with snacks and fruits. We also travel to the places where we had never been to. We would visit museums and churches there, learning the history of different countries and enriching our knowledge for the last time. Then we would venture to our destination in Caribbean, an island where had no wifi and delivery, and gain different living experience as we avoid modern technologies and connect ourselves with nature. I think I might die there, where there will be no whistling of the cars and footfalls of the crowd but only the rolling ocean wave, my family and me.

The rest of my Life

If I only had six months to live from now on, I would follow my heart and do anything I want to do and not to have any medical treatment. Without all the pain from the serious treatments. Also, I shouldn’t be too upset about the news, I should cherish the six months that’s left for me and always have a smile on my face. We need to look forward and forget everything that’s sad. I would like to spend rest of my life in the nature and with my family, where there are trees, animals, fresh air and a small house full of drawing tools. Every day routine is to walk through the woods and enjoy the fresh air and beautiful place and then create an art piece that goes with my feeling and emotions at that time. Record everything that is meaningful to me and after six months, I would like my parents to make it into a book that records every single feelings that I had during the six months. Besides drawing, staying in the warm house, and in the nature. I would like to travel around the world with my parents and take as many photos as I can of each country and again a pen and a sketch book will always be in my bag to record my feelings and beautiful natures. The reason why I would like to record all the photographs and drawings is to create good memories for my family and encourage them to be strong. Just enjoy the rest of my life.

My last desires

   If there are only 6 months left before the world end, what would I do? 

   When I think deep into this question, I find that all of my plans are self-centered. I realize that there is not much connection between me and other people, except for my family. What I want to do is not sacrifice myself to benefit others, but to live and enjoy every second I have. 

   For the first month, I would continue my regular life. Every morning I will eat a whole bagel full of cream cheese, two pieces of bacon and an egg. Then I will go to class, hang out with friends, watch a movie after school, and write my diary at the end of the day.

    The second month I will go back to Shanghai and stay with my family, go to my favorite restaurant and sit in front of my laptop with fried chicken and coke. It is the time for me to indulge life, release myself, and live in an unhealthy way as I always want to. On normal days, the society tells me to keep fit because it is the trend. But if I only have 6 month to live, I would like to break this rule and live freely without worrying about calories. 

   The third month I will travel. Not all over the world, but stay in China. I want to experience the magnificent view and delicious food in every province, from roasted mutton to shrimp dim sums, the Yellow River to the Great Wall. This country is where I was born from; I should know it well before I die. 

   I will spend the fourth month living in Japan, one of my favorite countries. Not only because I can taste the milk and honey-dew melon of Hokkaido, the sashimi in Sapporo and the beautiful pastry in Tokyo, I want to feel the kindness and peacefulness between people, so that I wouldn’t lose my hope in this most chaotic times. 

  The fifth month I will live alone in a small cottage beside a remote village. Every week I will buy daily necessities and food in the village. There is no communication, no social life; There is only me and nature. I can gaze the stars at night and wonder what life is about. I have never had any great accomplishment and never left any marks in this world. But in the cottage away from civilization, I can speak to myself. 

   The last month I will return home. It is always good to write a book about myself, or film a video about my life. Before I die, I want to leave something that would represent me. Maybe I will dig myself a tomb and customize a great coffin — so when I die I would not be too ugly to look at. 

182.5 Days

You wouldn’t find me anywhere near the United States. I’d be high up on a mountain in Austria, strolling through the streets of Prague, or wading in the cool blue water in Mykonos. If there was ever a consequence associated with dropping everything and exploring the corners of the earth, it wouldn’t exist anymore. I’d act on every whim, and every impulse. Mid-decision, mid-thought, I could change my own mind, because who would stop me? The only person who would be in my way would be myself, and soon enough, I would cease to exist.

I would be a better person in those six months than any other time of my life, a better daughter, friend, and human being. I know I would want to take time to reflect on my own life and those around me. I wouldn’t want pity, only those I hold close to me to appreciate our time together and value their own existence.  

I would conquer a few fears. Climb high enough so that my whole body tensed and my stomach disconnected from my body and was left seven stories down. Go far enough out into the sea so that there’d be no way anyone would hear me scream if an enormous wave came crashing over me. I would get on the back of a motorcycle, because in the 1 out of 802 chance that I might crash, 801 I would ride free. And because in the end, Maybe the moments I would remember really living, really feeling alive, would be the ones when I was on the edge. When I faced my fears, when I succeeded, when I did what I wanted, wether it was right, or wrong. That’s what I would do with my 182.5 days.

Would I change?

Death to me, is simply a part of the beautiful cycle that is life. I don’t view it as some expiration date nor do I feel the need to treat each day as a countdown to the impending doom. I’m not living with regrets nor am I wishing I should be living my life differently. Sure, some days school seems like it takes up a lot of my time, but I find that to be the typical teenage feeling. If I found out that I had six months to live, I don’t believe that I would suddenly be encompassed with this sudden urge to treat people differently and have this grand new appreciation of all that is around me. I am well aware of how I treat people and I have purposely chosen to be an open person with others so that I don’t have any lingering regrets the day I find out they are no longer a part of this world. When people pass away, or they are close to it, the fear that can run through someone’s mind is if they will be able to say all that they need to say in time. I don’t have that fear. I have a tranquil mind and I don’t go around taking drastic precautions in the hopes of somehow extending my lifetime. If I was meant to die tomorrow, next week, or next year, it will happen regardless of what I choose to do. I can’t limit myself because of a fear of the unavoidable. Neither do I have to go sky diving or bungie jumping to get an adrenaline rush to prove to myself that I’m alive. I would just continue to live as I’m living, having a deep inner peace that I’ve been content up to this point and I can remain so. 

Experiencing the End of Life

If I had only got six months to live, I would take time to enjoy the present and live on purpose. There are always a million things to do so I always stay ‘busy’. However, I have to think as though I have only going to live another six months. Upon reflection, I would take these months to truly live for the present-to appreciate life moments, to love and to pursue my dreams even I cannot see the path clearly now. I would spend time doing thing which I would enjoy than what I should do. Going to different places, reading books and saying things that I want to say to others that once I hold back from saying. I would use a month for traveling. I would go to Switzerland to ski, go to Hokkaido to enjoy canoeing and go to Dubai for Atlantis Aquaventure Waterpark. Rather than studying and living in the US, I would fly back to home. I would immediately leap into action to remove all stressors, dropping off school. It won’t make any sense to keep staying at school.  When I back to Beijing, I would try to take care of the people close to me that I am leaving behind. I would spend time to sit down and enjoy a long conversation with family or friends. In the end, I think I just want to experience life would matter —seeing the world that’s around me right now, being with great people, doing amazing things, eating great food, playing.