Escaping Abuse
Whether or not a parent is abusive is debated in many circles. For instance, some parents may claim that they are just “strict” and completely deny their unacceptable behavior. This supposed strictness can be a form of emotional abuse- controlling behavior, manipulation- a cornucopia of poisonous behavior. By being “tough” the abusive parent sometimes fully believe that they are doing their children a favor- making them stronger for the outside world. Is hardening your children really beneficial? Making them numb to their own pain, unable to feel or relate to others in a healthy manner? Sure. Totally helps your kids. At eight years old a girl who doesn’t cry may seem strong; later, there no tears when they crash a bicycle and need stitches at the age of thirteen, but also are unable to properly process pain or sadness, instead prone to emotional outbursts, displaying anger and frustration at inappropriate moments.
These outbursts can cause further issues- misdiagnosis for ADHD, for example, which makes children more controllable and easier to manipulate, effectively taking the fight out of them. In fact, in a recent study it was shown that nearly one million children living in a abusive or at-risk households are misdiagnosed with ADHD every year
Another problem is that abusive parents are often not held accountable- by their own children and by law officials. The reason for this is that manipulation plays a huge factor in their abuse- convincing their children that they are the “good guys” while harming them, and pitting their children against other trusted adults that could take them out of a detrimental environment.
The “good guys” in this situation are anyone the abuser sees as a threat- perhaps school counselors, teachers, relatives or even other parents. The good guys are often not so good.
Child Protective Services, whose aim is to remove children from at-risk households, does an incredibly poor job at doing so. When a school counselor called CPS, the social workers had my abusive parent drive me to CPS- along the way, the parent threatened me and my other parent, ensuring that I wouldn’t “say anything stupid”. I was so afraid that I could not speak up to help myself- social workers didn’t do much to protect me. Instead, I had to take my own father to court at the age of fourteen to procure a restraining order.
The judge just barely granted it, barely believing me, and dismissing the case as “a child stuck between two parents.”
Abuse, from the perspective of any but the abuser, is bad; and furthermore, the institutions put in place to prevent it are insufficient.
I also think that there are faults in CPS and that abuse, whether it be emotional or physical has severe lasting effects. It can follow a person throughout their life and they may not realize the effects it had until they are much older. I think cultural influence can sometimes play a part in a parents' form of "discipline". The way they truly believe they are helping their children is shocking to me because how is abuse ever the solution. I hope that in the upcoming years it lessens until it no longer exists.
ReplyDeleteIzzy, you make a strong case for the dysfunctional nature of CPS. It's a cruel irony that they very institution that is designed to help children from abuse can become an instrument of abuse. What do you think is needed to make the necessary institutional changes?
ReplyDeleteChild abusing is definite an issue that needs attention. Many child abusing are hidden because the parents cover what happened and the child are afraid to tell. What's the limit of parental guide? Sometimes it can lead children to good behaviors and good habits, but an inappropriate guidance will cause mental damage.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting perspective because i feel as though i hardly ever hear about mental child abuse. I would assume that along with any physical child abuse that happens, all victims are mentally effected as well. How ever i wonder if every parenting style has a detrimental effect that changes the way the childs is in the future. Although i do think that some may be more detrimental than others, i think that sometimes strict parents can be doing their kid good, it really just depends on the people.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting perspective because i feel as though i hardly ever hear about mental child abuse. I would assume that along with any physical child abuse that happens, all victims are mentally effected as well. How ever i wonder if every parenting style has a detrimental effect that changes the way the childs is in the future. Although i do think that some may be more detrimental than others, i think that sometimes strict parents can be doing their kid good, it really just depends on the people.
ReplyDelete